Cows Are Delicious

Happy Fakesgiving!

Fri, 30 May 2025 23:40:00 -0100

Yes â Today is Fakesgiving 2025. Founded in 2020, at the height of the COVID-19 global pandemic, Gabriele McCracken created a day of unity and togetherness in a time of quarantine. Originally created as a virtual way to share meals, family and friends, this day is still being celebrated.

The point? Life is short. Spend time together with your friends and family. Does it matter why?

Source: "Fakesgiving / May 30" â https://www.nationaldayarchives.com/day/fakesgiving

It's National Biscuit Day!

Wed, 29 May 2019 16:14:14 -0100

It's National Biscuit Day!

That means you might be making some biscuits and gravy... which means you might need a couple of awesome recipes from the Meatatarian Army. Don't ask questions. Any excuse to eat gravy is a good excuse.

Check out Sven's Sausage Gravy recipe here:
Sven's World Famous Sausage Gravy

Check out Sven's Biscuit recipe here:
Sven's Counterfeit Southern Biscuits

100% Kale Free Funny T-Shirt

Thu, 16 Aug 2018 16:19:59 -0100

"100% Kale Free" Funny T-Shirt

You're 100% cage-free and a free-range human... but you don't eat kale. Get your favorite health-nut this funny vegetable t-shirt. Great for vegans, vegetarians and meat-eaters alike!

Get yours NOW!

Sven's Famous Apple Smoked Brisket Recipe

Thu, 07 Jun 2018 22:30:00 -0100

This is not an undertaking for the impatient. Smoking a brisket is certainly not difficult if you can multitask... and stay up late to get it started... and get up again in the wee hours of the morning to keep the fire going... and wait about fourteen hours to get your first taste of this thing. Don't be scared. You can do it.

Ingredients:

Note: All ingredients are estimates as you will never find a brisket that is the same size twice. Also I don't actually measure anything.

• 12 lbs. brisket
• ½ cup kosher salt
• ¼ cup cracked pepper
• ¼ cup granulated garlic
• ½ cup olive oil
• 1 cup apple cider vinegar
• 4 cups apple juice

Tools:

• Sharp knife (don't mess around with this one)
• Heavy duty tongs or spatulas (this is a heavy piece of meat)
• 2-inch tall drip pan or roasting pan with rack big enough to hold your brisket and the liquids
• Plastic wrap (optional)
• Heavy foil

Wood/Fuel:

1 giant pile of wood — ½ apple wood and ½ oak or hickory (or a combination). You can use any of these woods or any combination of these woods, but I have found apple wood provides the best flavor while splitting it with a harder wood slows the burn and makes it easier to control the temperature. You can also do this with charcoal and wood chips or a pellet grill. I'm old school. I use a Char-Griller smoker.

Prep time:

30 minutes

Cook time:

14 hours (about 1 hour and 10 minutes per pound)

Servings:

Depends how steady your carving hand is (maybe a pound a person if it's the main course)

Let's do this...

Prepare the rub

Mix the salt, pepper and garlic in small container (I use a lid and just shake it).

Preparing the brisket

Defrost your brisket if necessary. This will take most of the night or day in a refrigerator. Sharpen your knife. No, it's not fine. Sharpen your knife. Cutting fat is dangerous if you can't slice through it easily. Place your brisket on a cutting board with the fat cap up. That's the big giant slab of fat on the brisket for those of you who've never dealt with a piece of meat this big. Trim off the excess fat, leaving about a quarter of an inch thick layer. Score the fat cap into two-inch squares and rub the entire brisket with a light coating of olive oil. Cover both sides of the brisket with a solid coating of the rub and work it into the scoring. You may need to make more rub. This will depend on how much you like salt. You can now wrap plastic around the meat and place in a refrigerator allowing the rub to soak in, or move straight to cooking. I don't wait. I like to sleep periodically through this.

Preparing your smoker or grill

If you're using a grill, set up your grill for indirect cooking by building your charcoal or wood stack off to one side. If you have a gas grill use a smoking tube or put your wood chips in a small metal or foil container. Light the fuel and wait for it to be ready to cook. Add your wood chips (soaked) to the coals or a pan of water per your personal preferences. If you don't know how to do any of this you have much more reading to do before moving on. I recommend the little "Search" field at the top of this site. If you're using a smoker, build your fire in the fire box using half apple and half hardwood. With a fire box you don't need any special tricks here. You'll get plenty of smoke from the fire. Once the fire is burning evenly without assistance you are ready to start smoking. Either set-up should be at about 225°F.

Smoking the brisket

If you're using a grill, place the brisket fat side up on the rack with a drip pan below next to the coals. Cover with the lid and bring the temperature back up to 225°F. If your grill doesn't have a temperature gauge, use a meat thermometer. If you're using a smoker, place the brisket fat side up on the rack with a drip pan below or on the rack above your roasting pan. Close your lid. This is happening.

Smoke it low and slow

Monitor the temperature of your grill or smoker. Check it every hour or so, staying as close to 225°F as possible. Do not open the lid unless you need to add more charcoal or wood chips to maintain temperature or the smoke. This isn't an issue if you've got a smoker. Just add wood as necessary to the fire box.

Cook through the stall — the Texas Crutch

When the internal temperature of the brisket reaches about 150°F, surface evaporation will cause the internal temperature to plateau. This is called "the stall." It happens in the last two hours or so of cooking. We'll solve this with the "Texas Crutch." Drain all but about 1/2 cup of the brisket drippings and place the meat into the pan (you'll need to remove the roasting rack). Add the cider vinegar and apple juice into the pan. Add water if necessary to bring the water level to about halfway up the pan. Cover the brisket and tightly wrap two sheets of heavy aluminum foil over the top edges of the pan. Bring the grill or smoker temperature back up to 225°F. Continue cooking for two hours.

Test internal temperature

When the internal temperature of the brisket is 195°F, pull the pan from the grill or smoker.

Walk Away

Resist the temptation to dive in. Let the brisket rest (still covered) for about 30 minutes so that the juices can re-absorb and redistribute. Don't worry. This thing's too big to get cold quickly.

Eat

Cut the brisket in the pan when you're brave enough to risk it. This pan is hot. You can also remove the meat from the pan and cut it on a butcher block, but I prefer to keep the brisket in the liquid.

Share with friends and brag for weeks.

Close-up image: Mike/Flickr | License: Creative Commons
Smoking image ©2010-2017 Rum Runners. All rights reserved.

"The Devil from the Deep" Classic Comic Book Story

Thu, 10 May 2018 21:30:00 -0100

In 1952, comic books were a little odd. Most publishers were struggling to recover from the dying superhero craze and turned to horror. Keep in mind this is 1952. People were a little easier to unnerve in those days.

The Ziff-Davis Publishing company (now an internet media behemoth) was one of the premier vendors of the macabre until it left the comic book industry entirely and let most of its comics fall into the public domain.

Here's Ziff-Davis' classic tale "The Devil from the Deep" about a mermaid who is introduced to the wonders of meat and she'll do anything to get more! Ooooooo — scary! This comes from Nightmare, No. 2, Fall 1952.

Click below to download the story or the entire comic book.

Story:
PDF format (book reader apps)
CBR format (comic book reader apps)

Entire book:
PDF format (book reader apps)
CBR format (comic book reader apps)

Source: The Digital Comic Museum — Scan by Cimmerian32

"Best. Dad. Ever." Bacon Parody T-Shirt

Fri, 04 May 2018 19:10:00 -0100

"Best. Dad. Ever." Funny Bacon Parody T-Shirt

Best. Dad. Ever. Funny Father's Day t-shirt bacon parody your grilling and BBQ and meat loving dad will love. Great bacon tee for your best dad. This bacon shirt is the perfect holiday gift or just a great birthday present.

Get yours NOW!

Meat and Other Funny Sven & Angus Shirts Now on Amazon!

Tue, 17 Apr 2018 18:20:00 -0100

"Official Seal of the Meatatarian Army" T-Shirt

Meat-eaters assemble! Show your carnivorous pride with the "Official Seal of the Meatatarian Army." Vegan and vegetarian approved! Well, not really. Barbecue and grilling aficionado approved!

"I Ain't Ascared of No Zombies" T-Shirt

Tell the zombies who's boss. You will command the situation. You ain't ascared of nothin'!

Distressed Jolly Roger
Pirate Flag T-Shirt

Sport what is possibly the coolest flag ever flown by pirates, Calico Jack Rackham's Jolly Roger (crossed cutlasses and the infamous cracked skull) in our cool distressed design.

Fancy Bacon Funny T-Shirt
Show your classy yet carnivorous side with this ornate bacon shirt. You can be fancy AND cool.

"MEAT!" Grilling and Barbecue T-Shirt

Say it like you mean it. MEAT is king. If you love to grill, smoke or barbecue in any way, you need this. This shirt may not be suitable for vegans and vegetarians.

"No. I AM your mother." T-Shirt

The classic sci-fi movie line that everyone has wrong. You're a tough mother. Bust out your darker side.

"Guess what? Chicken butt" T-Shirt

You've heard your kids say it a million times. Heck, you've probably said it a million times. This classic and vintage take on the old "Guess what? Chicken butt" line is sure to start a conversation or at least raise some eyebrows. Perfect gift for adults and children.

"Vegans taste like chicken." Funny Grilling and BBQ T-Shirt

Most things that frighten you taste like chicken. It's true. Vegans hate when you point this out! This shirt is perfect for barbecuing and grilling.

"Stop staring at my data." Dark T-Shirt

Let Zuckerberg know your eyes are up here. Tell corporate America there's more to you than just your data. This social media play on words will get lots of likes in actual real life.

"Stop staring at my data." Light T-Shirt

Let Zuckerberg know your eyes are up here. Tell corporate America there's more to you than just your data. This social media play on words will get lots of likes in actual real life.

"I'm freezin' my ass off" T-Shirt

Tell everyone you're freezing cold with slightly colorful language with this vintage Old Man Winter/Santa "It's a DRY freezin' my ass off" tee.

How to Cook the Cheaper Microwave Pot Pies

Wed, 14 Mar 2018 15:10:00 -0100

Pot pies used to be a staple food for college kids and single adults. They're delicious and inexpensive, but cheap foods aren't usually convenient. Pies take what seems like an eternity to bake in an oven. Eating a couple of these little treasures is a significant undertaking... or at least it was. With the dawn of special microwave trays and pouches, pot pies have become much like any other pre-prepared meals and can be cooked rapidly. Fast cooking means more costly, but you can get around that with a little creativity.

Traditionally, oven baked pot pies made by companies like Banquet have been less than a buck, but they come in a foil pan that can't be cooked in a microwave. If you want a crispy pie, you need to shell out two and a half times as much for something like a Marie Callender. You get a microwavable tray and a microwavable pouch and a crispy delicious treat. Great, unless you're still a poor college kid.

So are there options? Are they delicious? Yes and no. Banquet, Swanson and other companies now make "microwavable" pies that come in a special tray but with no top. The instructions all state that you need to put several slits in the pie, then cook in the tray for five minutes and then let the pie stand in the microwave for three to five minute. That's great, except that every single time I have followed these instructions the pie is overcooked on the outer edges and pretty much raw in the middle. The middle of the crust is soggy. Really soggy.

After much experimentation in a real life kitchen with an everyday microwave, I have come up with a sure fire method of cooking the college-kid-friendly-pie-for-a-buck. Yes, your results may vary if you have a million watt microwave or the opposite, a 400 watt hand-crank model. Otherwise you should be good. Use your brain. You know if you have an out of control cooking device.

Step One:
Buy a cheap microwavable pot pie. I'm partial to Banquet's "Sausage &Gravy Deep Dish." Keep it frozen until you are ready to eat it.

Step Two:
Open one side of the box.

Step Three:
Cut the two sides of the box adjacent to the side you just opened along the top folds creating a lid.

Step Four:
Without slitting the top of the pie, place the box with the pie in it and the lid over the top of the pie on a paper towel or plate in the microwave and cook for five minutes.

Step Five:
Leave the pie in the unopened microwave for four more minutes. This is important. Don't ask why, just accept this as part of microwave science.

Step Six:
Eat your crispy one-dollar delicious pot pie! Actually, you might want to bust it open with a fork and let it cool off a bit first. Now... eat your crispy one-dollar delicious pot pie!

The Holy Grail of Fire Starters

Sat, 24 Feb 2018 03:30:00 -0100

You've probably seen a homemade fire starter or two in your day, but the Holy Grail of portable starters may originate with the Boy Scouts themselves.

Scouts are not actually allowed to carry things like butane cylinders or lighter fluid. Any fire starting aid in their possession needs to be dry, such as a flint striker or a magnesium rod. Back in 1982, instructions were published for a "Solid-Fuel Fire Starter" in The Official Boy Scout Handbook. The starter is simply a combination of melted paraffin mixed with sawdust in the compartments of a paper egg carton. Genius.

Click on the illustration (from the original handbook) and follow the instructions. When your paraffin is cool, store the carton in a relatively dry place and break off one section at a time. Place it beneath some dry wood (twigs, kindling or whatever you get your fire going with) and light the carton section. In a few minutes you'll have roaring fire, with no messy paper and no blowing incessantly at barely lit twigs.

Source: The Official Boy Scout Handbook, BSA, 1982. Tracked down based on the tales of its discovery and many years of handy presents from brother Bjorn.

Join The Meatatarian Army NOW!

Tue, 05 Dec 2017 19:55:13 -0100

Did you know you can join The Meatatarian Army? Post recipes. Post cartoons. Make fun of vegetarians. We don't care!

That's right. Join your meat loving peers on Facebook.

Click here!